


Say Something

by HugBubble



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies), Wintershock - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Feels, Kinda fluff, Song fic, but mostly angst and feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 07:31:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8277797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HugBubble/pseuds/HugBubble
Summary: Bucky likes Darcy. Darcy likes Bucky. Neither of them are very good at dealing with their feelings.Rating for occasional language use and reference to sex.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts - A story opening with the words “F*** you!” + “You weren’t supposed to mean anything to me.” + “I want to play a part in your life. Why won’t you let me?” + “Can you believe all the experiences I’ve had lead up to this moment and I’m still lost?”
> 
> Title and lyrics running throughout taken from Say Something by A Great Big World ft Christina Aguilera

**_Say something, I'm giving up on you_**  
  
"Fuck you!" Darcy hurled across the communal living quarters.  
  
Nobody else was there, but Bucky moved his eyes around the room compulsively, looking anywhere but at the crying girl in front of him. If nothing else but to prevent himself from crying too.  
  
Three weeks. That was all it had taken for them to get here. Three weeks of talking and laughter, of sex and snuggles, of films and friends, and of feelings.  
  
"I still want to play a part in your life, why won't you let me?" she said, trying to keep her voice level.  
  
"Because," Bucky shot back, "It's not the same. You don't want me the way I want you, okay? You think it'd be easy for me to watch you be happy with him? Listen to you talk about him? Maybe see you around with him sometimes? To know that he... that he's doing the things to you that you've let me do?"  
  
"Oh yeah, it always comes back to the damn sex," Darcy scoffed.  
  
"No it doesn't!" Bucky snapped, his voice rising, "That was _last_ on my list, Darcy! I put your happiness first."  
  
"And what if my happiness involves you still?" she raised her eyebrows at him.  
  
**_I'll be the one, if you want me to_**  
  
"I want you in my life too," Bucky looked her in the eyes then, "But not like this. I'm already too far gone to only want you as a friend. If you want me, please say so. If you want him more, that's fine. But make your choice which of us it is."

He turned, walking to the door.  
  
**_Anywhere, I would've followed you_**  
  
She'd flown into his life in a whirlwind. He'd only been in the Avengers Facility a couple of months or so; training with Steve and the others, catching up on culture Hydra hadn't felt it necessary for him to know, exploring his own abilities, finding his interests again.  
  
Then Thor came. And with Thor, came two girls. Jane and Darcy. Although people made a big deal of Thor, Bucky rather got the impression that actually Jane's work was the reason they were all visiting, and Jane was Thor's Girl. She clung to him like glue around the base, babbling a mile a minute to Stark and Banner about science Bucky couldn't keep up with, mostly while Thor gazed at her in awe.  
  
And Darcy clung to Jane like glue in return. Babbling to anyone who would listen about music and food, occasionally pausing to join in with the scientists' conversations, making suggestions and interruptions like it was nothing to her before going on her way and making more coffee, while the others all corrected their previous workings with Darcy's new logic. Bucky didn't think she really noticed the awed look on his face whenever she did that.  
  
They were only there for a few weeks. Jane's work was currently based in London still, where Dr. Selvig and the rest of their team were situated, but Banner had wanted to pick her brains on something allegedly complex that involved more than a skype call.  
  
Honestly, Bucky had already been considering following them back to England.  
  
He'd first seen her when they arrived and people were being introduced to one another, which was a surreal experience when they all knew each other by sight or reputation already. But for the least known member of the party, she made herself at home remarkably fast. It was weirdly endearing to him. He'd had - was sometimes still having - a hard time adjusting to being around this many people, to being allowed to be comfortable and do as he pleased with no painful consequences. And to watch somebody else walk in and do just that without even thinking was a powerful moment for Bucky.  
  
So he made little excuses to pop in and see Stark more the first couple of days she was around. He let Natasha go even harder on his metal arm in training, so he needed the dislocations fixed. He turned his phone off and pretended he'd forgotten how to turn it back on. (Stark really berated him for that one, since Friday could have given him instructions just as easily. Bucky claimed he forgot about Friday.) He took everyone hot drinks as a thankyou for the other things. And Darcy beamed at him and sipped her vanilla latte and chattered away to him about novels and wind-chimes and pop tarts and socks.  
  
Then Saturday night there was a party. And there was alcohol. And dancing. And a drunken kiss. And a conversation sat on the floor in a deserted hallway, where she told him how one of the guys she worked with in London was her ex who cheated on her and she wasn't over it or sure what she wanted right now but she'd decided she liked Bucky. And he told her he liked her too but his past was complicated in a lot of ways he couldn't explain to her because he didn't know everything himself. And they both accepted those things about each other and fell asleep curled up under his coat on the floor.  
  
After that, it seemed like it all became too easy. Between Bucky training and Darcy working all hours of the day and night with Jane, they found it hard to make real dates. But they fit things in. Late night rendezvous with snacks and trashy TV, where the cuddling all too quickly turned into much more; lunch breaks spent listening to music in empty office rooms; the occasional movie night with other members of the team; random messages throughout the day, especially the ones of Darcy pulling dumb expressions or with cute little dog ears animated on her face which never failed to make him smile.  
  
It had been perfect.  
  
And now they were here.  
  
**_Say something, I'm giving up on you_**  
  
He paused at the living room's entry way, turning back to her. Darcy just stared at him.  
  
"Your silence speaks volumes," Bucky said, and walked out.  
  
**_And I am feeling so small_**  
  
He flopped onto his mattress in the apartment he shared with Steve. All he saw when he looked at the bedroom was how empty it seemed. Even for a temporary vacation home, Darcy's room had more personal decor in it. Since living here he'd only managed some cupboards, wall lights, and an over-large bed.  
  
He glanced at the nightstand. There was a conker there, the kind that come from horse-chestnut trees. He and Darcy had been walking one afternoon when she'd picked up this teeny thing, barely a half-inch across, exclaiming about how unusually small it was. Then she'd grabbed his cybernetic hand and placed the seed in his palm, smiling and tugging lightly at his scarf before walking on. He wasn't sure if she'd expected him to keep it.  
  
But looking at it now, Bucky felt about as small laying on the bed alone as that baby conker was.  
  
_**It was over my head**_  
_**I know nothing at all**_  
  
A knock sounded on his door, causing Bucky to screw up his eyes, shake his head and sit up.  
  
"What?" he asked roughly.  
  
"I thought you might want company," Steve answered, opening the door before giving Bucky a chance to turn him away.  
  
"Who said you thought right?"  
  
"The loud door slamming," Steve grimaced.  
  
Bucky didn't respond, but shifted a little to one side so Steve could sit on the edge of the bed.  
  
"Is it her?" he asked finally.  
  
"Mhmm," Bucky grunted.  
  
"She dump you?" Bucky frowned at the question, his lips pursing, "Sorry," Steve continued, "It just seemed like the worst case scenario, I thought I'd ask."  
  
"She doesn't know what she wants. Me or Ian," Bucky balled his fists up inside his hoodie pouch pocket.  
  
"Ian? The one who cheated on her just before she came here?"  
  
"The very same," Bucky slumped onto his back again, "He wants her back, says he's sorry, can't wait until she's home and they can work things out. Before, she said she just wanted them to be friends and colleagues and civil again. Now..." he sighed, "Now it's the day before she goes home and she's suddenly not sure what she wants."  
  
"And you not wanting her to get back with him didn't go well, I take it?"  
  
"Not exactly. She kept just saying how much she liked having me in her life. Wouldn't define who she had more feelings for."  
  
"Well, maybe you just gotta let her figure that out."  
  
“I don't want to. I want to tell her how I feel and ask her to be with me and forget him," Steve's jaw twitched a little, "And I know that's overly needy and insistent of me. It's why I'm not doing it." Bucky inhaled slowly, "Can you believe all the experiences I’ve had lead up to this moment and I’m still lost for what to do?”  
  
"You're not lost, Buck. You just said, you know what you want. You're just struggling with what a lot of people in love struggle with - doing the right thing for the other person, not just for yourself."  
  
"Oh yeah?" Bucky raised his eyebrows, "What would you know about that?"  
  
"More than you'd think..." Steve mumbled.  
  
"Natasha not comfortable with labels?"  
  
"Wha-? I-" Steve sputtered, "We weren't talking about me. This was your issue. How did you leave things?"  
  
"Said I couldn't be friends with her if that was all she wanted, but it was okay if he's the right choice for her. In so many words."  
  
"And what did she say?"  
  
"Nothing," Bucky said uncomfortably, "She just carried on crying and staring at me."  
  
_**And I will stumble and fall**_  
_**I'm still learning to love**_  
_**Just starting to crawl**_  
  
Bucky had never thought this would even happen. After he started rehabilitation, he was so unsure about establishing friendships that he'd never really considered the option of establishing any other kind of relationship.  
  
He knew he'd been good with the girls in the past. Museum exhibitions and history books and the team cracking jokes about it had all taught him that much. But he never got the impression he'd been so much about the actual feelings. Dates and charm and witty lines were how the old James Barnes played it. He wasn't sure if that part of him was so far in the past that he didn't know how to access it, or if simply actual emotions were so different to flirting that even in the 40's he wouldn't have known how to handle this.  
  
Because this, whatever it was, with Darcy, it felt like... More. More than just a flirtation, a brief encounter, a three-week-stand, or however else one might describe it.  
  
**_Say something, I'm giving up on you_**  
  
"I wanna tell you to do it, go get her, say how you feel, to at least try. I really do," Steve stood up and briefly placed a hand on Bucky's shoulder, "I just don't want to see you get hurt anymore than you already have." He looked at Bucky just long enough to know he wasn't going to respond before he left the room.  
  
Steve was right. He had to let it go. He might never see her again anyways.  
  
**_And I will swallow my pride_**  
  
Steve _should_ have been right. But he might never see her again anyways, so what did he have to lose?  
  
**_You're the one that I love_**  
  
He wasn't sure it was love. He wasn't sure he know what love felt like. He couldn't remember any examples to compare it too.  
  
But when he looked at her he got the same feeling of home and hope that he got when he looked at Steve. So he was pretty sure that was it.  
  
**_And I'm saying goodbye_**  
  
Darcy and Jane's flight to England was departing at 5am. Thor could have just flown them back, but Jane generally refused to let lab equipment travel-by-mjolnir and they were somehow leaving with a considerable amount more than they arrived with.  
  
Bucky could hear Steve was still asleep in the next room. Sometimes, when he woke unexpectedly in the night, he could hear Steve's slow, heavy breathing, despite how loudly he clunked around the kitchen making hot drinks. It reassured Bucky to know that, even if he couldn't now, one day he would get to a place where he could sleep through the night.  
  
What he hadn't accounted for, what his ears had failed to notice, was the steady and fully awake breathing of someone sitting on the sofa.  
  
"You going to see her off?"  
  
"Shit!" Bucky jumped, gripping the counter to his left and hearing the wooden surface crack a little under the sudden pressure, before he flinched his whole body away from the reaction just as rapidly.  
  
"Sorry," Natasha answered smoothly, unfazed Bucky's reaction, "But are you?"  
  
"You gonna rat me out to Steve?" he asked, his eye flicking to the closed door behind which Steve still slept.  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?" Bucky furrowed his brow at Natasha. It was almost completely dark around them, but he was sure she could see his features just as well as he could see hers.  
  
"Because," she said, looking up at him, her eyes hard and her mouth set, "I've been you. And I know that for you, no matter how protective Steve is, you can't feel normal again until people stop treating you like you'll break if someone breathes near you." Bucky nodded before Natasha continued, "Doesn't mean what she wants will be what you want, you gotta understand. And it won't be easy even if she decides it is. Not all declarations of love work like they do in the movies. But the one thing you can't get from movies is that even getting shot down feels so much better than running from your feelings," the corner of her lips turned up, "An' I know all about running from feelings."  
  
"Thanks," Bucky nodded again.  
  
**_Say something, I'm giving up on you_**  
  
There were a few people loading crates of gear up on the hellicarrier deck while Jane supervised them, fussing over which way up the boxes were and what order they were placed in. Thor was nowhere to be seen.  
  
Darcy was watching, a thermos in her hand and one earphone dangling absently while she tapped her fingers along to a song. She was staring absently at the others working, not seeing, whether from pro-occupied thoughts or simply tiredness Bucky wasn't sure. She didn't notice him approach until he was mere feet from her.  
  
"Hey." It seemed the easiest way to start.  
  
"Mm?" she turned towards him, "Oh. Um, hi." She didn't look annoyed he was there. She didn't look overjoyed either. She looked confused, more than anything.  
  
"I couldn't just let you leave without... saying," he swallowed, "without asking, I mean-"  
  
Darcy looked up into his eyes, searching as though trying to read his words before he could get them out.  
  
**_And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you_**  
  
"I know I'm not perfect boyfriend material. I know I can't give you everything you deserve, everything normal and safe. And I know it might be better for you to go back to something familiar and easy, that even if the situation isn't ideal at least Ian's not a former brainwashed assassin," Bucky scowled at himself. He hated dragging that into conversation. "I know that realistically, if me saying this was gonna work, you would have said something, y'know, before..."  
  
"I just know I'd hate myself for not trying. It's what you're supposed to do when you love someone, isn't it? Like in that film with the guy and the big postcard boards at Chrismas?"  
  
Darcy bubbled out a laugh, she couldn't help it, "Love Actually."  
  
"Yeah, I think so," Bucky said, biting his lip.  
  
"No it wasn't a question, I wasn't asking if you-" Darcy shook her head, "It's the name of the film."  
  
"Oh."  
  
**_Say something, I'm giving up on you_**  
  
“You weren’t supposed to mean anything to me," Darcy tore her eyes away from his, "I never meant for you to fall in- for your emotions to- I didn't want to put you in this position."  
  
"I know," Bucky tilted his head, trying to find her gaze again, "But I also know that it happened anyway. I don't know much about all the feelings and stuff. But I don't think I can have felt all that without you feeling it too. Can I?" his voice cracked on the last two words.  
  
**_And anywhere I would have followed you_**  
  
"No," Darcy's answer was blunt, she couldn't bear to say anything else. Anything about how she didn't deserve him to love her when she wasn't as sure of her feelings for him, wasn't sure she could fully feel that way about anyone now, or how she couldn't make her feelings for Ian disappear because she couldn't make him disappear from her life, but how what he'd done made her want to shut everyone out in case they did the same, or how Jane was her family and she couldn't simply stay here to be with him, or any of the other 100 perfectly valid reasons that shot through her mind about why she should just tell him that it was all in his head.  
  
"I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm not asking for forever. I'm asking for one date, a real one. I'll come take you to dinner, or a west end show, you can pick, whatever you're comfortable with."  
  
Bucky's blue eyes met Darcy's as Jane started walking towards them, all the equipment packed and ready for their departure.  
  
_**Say something**_  
  
"Please?"

**Author's Note:**

> If you like my writing/like me, feel free to hit me up on [my tumblr](http://hug-bubble.tumblr.com/) ^_^  
> Fics that have been edited, all thanks to [gingergenower](http://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergenower), she is my one true bae, and any mistakes left in are all on me either because she didn't see the final edit or because I was too eager to upload to wait for her approval.


End file.
